(Posted by Cathy DuBois) The last few blogs have been about how you see yourself and the world around you. We know that we only see what we want to see. It usually takes some deep self-introspection and visual observation to see how others perceive us and our actions. In this matrix we live in we might as well be blind most of the time. Nothing is really as it appears and even then, it can constantly change. I will save all that for other blogs. At this time I just want you to notice one important aspect of your reactions to how someone is seeing you and by extension, treating you.
For instance, you are on a date and you are nervous but ready to “put yourself out there.” If you are female, you probably have spent hours and hours on your outfit, hair, nails, makeup, shoes and other important visuals. You may have lost sleep over it and even spent too much money on your presentation. You may have done extra exercising and dieting if you had that much lead time. If you are male, you did a miniature version of all this – guys are lots easier! The point is, did either person spend even 10 minutes thinking about their mental and emotional presentations?
Probably not. So it should come as no surprise that during this date or subsequent ones, he says something that triggers all her insecurities. Or she talks about something that makes the guy want to run the other way. Now their fears, needs, and wants are center stage and calling the shots. We need to allow for quirkiness, and that “getting to know you” period of time. Problem is, lots of people don’t. They jump right in with both feet. Later, they can’t believe they did that again and think it was the “other person” who was the problem. Off they go to “find” the next perfect one swearing to themselves they won’t make those mistakes again and leaving the wreckage behind.
I would like to suggest that making the other person responsible is only half the equation. After all, you are the only constant in all your relationships. If they aren’t working, then it is probably your fault. People, in general, tend to put on their best faces when possible. Like the Chameleon who reflects the light around him to morph into a matching ideal, changing with the environment he moves through. However, stacks of research have shown that unless you have worked through all the family dysfunctions and practiced relating to people in healthy ways you have a very small chance of being successful in the long run. You are a Chameleon, changing your thoughts and actions to meet the moment with no real idea about the larger, deeper meanings around you and how to get your needs met.
Please feel free to share this original work with others as it is written.
Author Notes: Cathy DuBois is a healer, teacher, coach and Dr. of Clinical Hypnotherapy. She is a published author and seeker of truth. Visit her website at www.tripleheart.co